What school counsellors really think about kids of working parents but rarely say out loud

School counsellors hold a unique space in a child’s world. They often meet children in their most unguarded moments and parents in their most concerned ones. And in that moment, they observe patterns, behaviours, the way they communicate and even spot emotional gaps. But more often than not, they cannot share all of it directly to parents.

“It’s not always possible to say everything we notice,” admits Megha, a Gurgaon school counsellor. “Parents come in with specific concerns and we address those. But there are broader patterns we observe over time, especially when it comes to children of working parents.” According to her, those patterns are rarely about neglect in the way we understand the term but it comes from a quiet overcompensation.

But it is also important to acknowledge that this isn’t a failure of intent. Most working parents are deeply aware of the time they are unable to give their children and that awareness often comes with guilt. “They are trying to do the best they can with the time and resources they have. With dual incomes, they want to provide every possible opportunity, better education, more exposure, more experiences. The instinct is to give it all. But somewhere in that process, time which is what children value most becomes the hardest thing to give,” she points out.

“There is a tendency among working parents to try and fill the gap of time with ‘more’, be it more classes, more activities, more structure. But children don’t necessarily need more. They need connection.”

Sunaina, a Noida-based teacher agrees, describing how tightly packed a child’s day has become in today's times. “From school to tuitions, then extracurriculars, then homework, there’s barely any pause. They are constantly occupied, but not always emotionally fulfilled.” What gets lost in this cycle as per educators is unstructured time, the space where children learn to be with themselves.

“Many children today are uncomfortable being alone with themselves. The moment they are home, they have a phone or an iPad. It starts as a convenience for parents, but it quickly becomes a habit for the child,” another teacher shares. Over time, this dependence shows up in subtle ways inside classrooms like children who get distracted very easily or seem restless. The counsellor adds, “On the other end, there are children who withdraw, who seem distant even when they are physically present. These are not always academic issues, they are emotional cues.” In some cases, the behaviour can become more concerning.

“There are moments when children act out or take risks. But it’s not always rebellion, quite often it is their way of seeking attention or expressing something they don’t have the language for.”

Another recurring observation is the gap between what parents tell children and what they themselves practice. “You can’t ask your child to limit screen time while you are constantly on your phone. Parents often say they are working, but the child only sees the behaviour. For them, it normalises constant screen use,” the teacher points out. Counsellors say this inconsistency in behaviour shapes how children understand discipline and boundaries.

“Children are very perceptive,” one counsellor says. “If they see a mismatch, they internalise that rules are flexible or that they don’t really matter.” But perhaps the most critical piece, they emphasise, is communication or the lack of it.

“Many parents are not able to listen patiently. They are themselves dealing with so much at work that conversations during working days tend to revolve around homework, schedules, performance. There is very little space for open-ended listening.”

And when children do attempt to express themselves, the response they receive can make all the difference. A Pune school counsellor adds, “If the first reaction is judgement, correction or dismissal, the child shuts down. We often tell parents if you listen only to fix or judge, you will eventually be the last person your child comes to.”

“It’s not always dramatic, sometimes it’s just a child who seems a little disconnected or one who is constantly seeking validation. But when you see it across classrooms, you realise it’s part of a larger shift.”

Importantly, educators underline that the intent of working parents is rarely in question. Most are trying to do their best in demanding circumstances. But the insight from classrooms and counselling rooms is consistent and that is- presence cannot be replaced with provision.

“Don’t try to overcompensate for the time you are not there,” the counsellor stresses. “Instead, focus on the time you are. Even if it’s limited, be fully present without screens, without distractions, without rushing through it.”

“Weekends are something we often talk to parents about. They tend to become an extension of the weekday routine with more classes, more structure. But that’s actually the time to slow down,” the counsellor says. She suggests consciously creating moments of connection, even if they seem simple. “Keep the screens aside, for both parents and children. Sit together, talk without an agenda or just do something you all enjoy. It could be a hobby, a walk, cooking together, anything that allows the child to feel that sense of togetherness.”

The idea is not to plan something elaborate, but to be emotionally available. “Children miss that connection through the week. Weekends are an opportunity to give it back, to show them that your time and attention are truly theirs.” Because, in the end, what children carry with them is not how full their schedule was but how seen and heard they felt in the moments that mattered.

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